her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My bed smells like the plague
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