I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
