Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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