i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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