Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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