i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
