I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
there is glitter all over my balls
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
