that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
