You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
