oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
