My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
