My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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