I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
