How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
