ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
