At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
