That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am naked and annoyed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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