There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
