Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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