I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
