His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pants are for mortals
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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