the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
