You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
