I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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