Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
