hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
