I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
