I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
