Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
