Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
