i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
