so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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