I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
