If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
