yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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