his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
