SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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