It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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