I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
