There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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