the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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