I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
