i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
