You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
