walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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