Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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