i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
