she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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