the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
