you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
